i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
