I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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