It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
