He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
