Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
