He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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