it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The struggles of a small town man whore
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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