new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
