they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
