dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
