Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
