There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
