you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
