Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
