phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
