i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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