I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
True college students do jello shots in the library
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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