tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
