I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
