honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
