Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
