I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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