Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
