My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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