i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
