im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
