obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
