TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
