i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
