I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
