I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
