I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
