he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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