I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
