she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She told me I should be a condom model.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
