Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
