I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
