GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
In America we eat man semen.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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