so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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