Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
