Jerry, you need to find god
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
