oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
