i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
