I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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