can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
