I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
