Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
