did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
