She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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