i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
