Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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