i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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