I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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