Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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