By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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