Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
