How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
