If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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