he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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