I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
