Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
