none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize