It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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