If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i drank out of a bidet.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
