Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize