fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
