What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
