Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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