why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
