Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
