tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
