a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
