people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
