He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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